Inspiration Is Hard To Come By

Repeated rejection is the insidious cycle

that has made my flesh calloused.

Since childhood I have been a reluctant warrior,

taking calculated risks and only dipping my toes

in the dark pools I have labeled “fear.”

-Reluctant Warrior by Ren Harris

For the past hour this page has been blank. I have been staring at it willing something to write itself, or at the very least to have inspiration manifest. I am the queen of distractions, and I am particularly skilled at putting a “productive” spin on the time I spend reading articles about Kylie Jenner’s baby or researching small symptoms on WebMD. This year I promised myself that I would write a post a month, of-course, typically when I write it’s because I’ve been moved to write. They say that you should not wait to be inspired, that you should just jump right on in. So that’s what I’m doing, jumping in and hoping that this will be about something when I’m done. Also hoping that there aren’t too many spelling mistakes, don’t judge me too harshly on that front, but if I start re-reading this I’ll find a reason not to post.

Yes, I like and look for muses, sue me. Actually, don’t, I can’t cover a lawyer right now and I’ve never been any good at arguing…unless you’re my best friend, family member, or I whole heartedly agree with your limited views on art and self-expression. All other topics I’m pretty blasé about. You prefer cats to dogs? I mean, you’re clearly making poor life decisions, but your call! So, what’s been on my mind lately besides the whole waiting for inspiration to hit? Well…there’s been PLENTY of waiting, but that’s a pretty common trend—waiting to hear whether or not I have an audition tomorrow, waiting to find out if I booked the role, waiting in line for my coffee, etc… I should have mastered the art of patience, but I have always been stubborn (pick your jaws off the grounds ladies and gents). Aside from continuing to acknowledge my lack of patience, the other thing that has been on my mind begs the question, what else can I do? Worrying and waiting has become my vocation and I think I need a change. My creative well needs a heavy downpour. While my yearly list is a great starting point, I want challenges that will force me out of my comfort zone, that call for me to use skills I possess but don’t embrace. Maybe I ought to challenge myself to a poetry reading again, it’s been a couple of years since I have performed/read one of my poems. I could start with the one I wrote above. Also, I could have invited people to my first mini improv show tonight, but that folks is more than I’m prepared for. Sure, I can perform a monologue where I bare my soul, but having people watch me be silly with no safety net on a stage? Yeah, I’m taking baby steps.

What do you do when you’re feeling like you’re waiting for life to happen?

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